you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
