i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
