carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So here I am, sexting at work.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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