You can't special order awesome
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
