Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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