i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
