:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
