Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you had me at cake vodka
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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