We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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