It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
