Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dick very happy bro
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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