So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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