plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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