things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
