I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
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I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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