Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
