Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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