Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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