please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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