We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is my gift to your gina
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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