I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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