He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
