I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
