I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
