I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
