I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
