are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
