its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
