That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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