A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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