you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
