Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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