Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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