Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
