Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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