So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
