I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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