She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
