Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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