We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
