and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
