The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
