It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
