We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
