I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
