I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
