his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
