I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
