dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
