Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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