So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
