Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
