be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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