peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
COCAINE IS GR8
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