I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
