I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
